Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hedge Lane

Acrylic on 9x12 canvas sheet
Available through DPW gallery/auction

I am captivated by roads, paths, lanes, trails - anything that can be travelled. I don't know if it is the act of traveling or the actual visual of the scenery around, but I feel compelled to change course whenever I encounter one. It's as if they call-out, they beckon "over here, this way" - and a part of me listens. Perhaps it is the opportunity that these paths offer - a chance to change things, a chance for life to be different, or maybe it's the opportunity to find "it" again - that place that you go to when you want to get grounded, when you need to regroup again, when you need sanctuary. 

So it's no surprise that many of my landscape paintings have a road or path in them, even if it's only a hint of one, it is usually there in the scene. In this particular painting, originally done in 2009, the road is a travelled one, dirt in the 2 track marks left behind by numerous travelers, now permanently worked into the land. Grass grows between the marks, while flowers spring forth on each side - lining the edges, helping to point the direction out to a weary traveler. 

I have been in a philosophical mood these past few days and in a place in my mind (& world) where I can't paint. In fact I was so surprised to discover tonight that it is Thursday evening and I haven't picked up a brush since Sunday. My unfinished work is sitting on my easel, just waiting. Honestly, a part of me thinks it's only Monday and the week is still ahead of me. But time slipped away from me this week.

I received word on Monday morning that an old friend and colleague passed away on Sunday. We weren't the closest of friends, but we were working friends when we were at the same company some time ago. She was a joyful person, great sense of humor, kind to all people and had a wonderful, great laugh that you would recognize in a crowded room. 

Now people die every day, and lately, I've had a few too many memorials to attend for my liking. However, this one is different - this joyful person took her own life. I can't, for the life of me, understand this decision she made - it goes against everything I ever knew her to be. But things are not always as they seem, and she apparently had some dark issues that she hid away from the people that she knew. I have been through some grief counseling in my past, so I know enough to "not blame" and "not do the what if's" -- this was her choice, her decision. Her reasons now rest with her. I have gone beyond the shock, the pain, and the anger - all I am left with is a very, very sad feeling in knowing that the world will never hear that laughter again. I feel drained.

I chose this painting to post tonight because I like to think that she is walking on that road now, where opportunity says to her "over here, this way", and maybe she will find "it" -- that peace she so desperately wanted. RIP Jeryl


CrimsonLeaves said...

I too find myself wondering what is down this beautiful hand hewn road. Love the flowers and overhanging trees.

I am so sorry for the loss of your old comrade, Nan. You are right in saying that we just do not know what demons she was dealing with. From first hand experience, I know that sometimes we think it is the only way to separate ourselves from the pain of living. Sad but true.

renate said...

Hai Nan:) I just made one myself and I must admit it was great fun to do. Yours is very beautiful. Very nice art! Love it.

Angela said...

Ooh! Love those blue shadows in the distance.


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